My first blog: Unravelling the impossible pressures of Motherhood.
It’s something I tell myself everyday, I’m a bad mom. I can't be alone though, can I? My friends and family disagree, they tell me I’m wrong, and attempt to validate me as a mother by using generic examples like feeding my son, bathing him, reading him a book, and playing with him. But that’s just normal everyday parenting, right?
I’m talking about the harsh truth of social media living, the society we live in where everything is captured to showcase to the world. Whilst my friends take their children on amazing adventures, and plan their week full of activities, I sit here working endlessly at my computer, whilst my son binges youtube.
Don’t get me wrong, I plan days out, we visit family (when lockdown permits it), and I ensure he’s entertained and has a day full of laughter. But I can’t help but compare myself to these families that dedicate their every conscious moment to their children. I’m not bitter, I’m disappointed in myself. I’m not doing enough? Do I have to choose between being a mother, or running a business? or how do I manage to have a perfectly tidy house with a terrible toddler? It’s impossible! How do they do it? How do they juggle EVERYTHING so perfectly? Not only that, but with the anxious toll the lockdown has taken on me, I’m developing a fear of venturing out with my son, to be surrounded by unfamiliar faces, it’s become alien to me.
Well perhaps these parents are superhuman, or perhaps they’re showing a perfect version of their not so perfect realities, which is the terrible truth of social media. Either way, I still can’t shake the blame I put upon myself for my son’s development.
He’s just turned 20 months old, he’s the most amazing, funny little dude. He says daddy all the time (I’m not bitter about that either, I swear!), and he’s coming on leaps and bounds week after week. But if I read the developmental expectations for his age, or I compare him to his friends of similar age, and find he hasn’t quite got the hang of something just yet, I’ll tell myself it’s my fault. That I haven’t done enough to teach him, and that I should’ve been encouraging him more. Mom guilt is a real thing.
But the truth is, children develop differently, they all have their own journey’s, and learn at their own pace, so we need to stop worrying.
If my little one doesn’t get to go to the park for a day, he’ll survive.
If he has to have a processed, quick made meal once in a while, because I haven’t had the time to freshly prepare something, he’ll survive.
If he bumps his knee whilst playing as I was occupied tidying up after him, he’ll survive.
As this cloud of guilt that hangs over me fades, I sit back and realise I’m doing a better job than I give myself credit for. I keep this tiny human alive, I keep him clean, fed, happy. But not only that, he makes me the proudest parent in the entire world, and that is what matters most.
Remember that, and remember these words;
There is no perfect way to be a good mother.
Each situation is unique.
Each mother has different challenges,
different skills and abilities,
and certainly different children.
What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply.
- Elder M. Russel Ballard
A little word from me- If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read my first blog. It's a great place to put thoughts into words. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, I just haven't managed to find the time to focus. I'd like to share honest transparency around my personal life, and business. As well as any useful tips/tricks for hobby/professional photographers. If you've enjoyed the read please leave some feedback in the comments, Lauren x
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